Random funny stuff

Found Nemo....

If historical events had Facebook..

Do you see the difference?

Remember that picture that famous fotographer Annie Leibovitz took of Tom Ford, Scarlett Johansson and Keira Knightley?

 

Well, here's the better version!

"The Pretty Young Things"
Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen, Jason Segel, Jonah Hill

Sleeveface

Just stumbled across this website by this amazing site; love it!

http://www.sleeveface.com/

"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. "

Mitch Hedberg

In Holland there's a saying "A day spent without laughter, is a day not spent at all"(loosely translated)

I take that saying very seriously(pun intended)and I'm thus known as someone that laughs a lot.

It doesn't take much either. You say poop, I laugh.

I probably just lack the muscles that control that part of my face :-)

My favorite comedy  show is probably Seinfeld.

Here are some of my favorite quotes

George: Don't you ever thank God on your knees that you have access to my dementia?

George: Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie, if you believe it

Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.

Jerry:Yeah, they're the worst.

Elaine:You know what your problem is?You're standards are too high.

Jerry; I went out with you! 

Elaine: that's because my standards are too low

Jerry: This isn't a good time.
Telemarketer: When would be a good time to call back, sir?
Jerry: I have an idea, why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you back later?
Telemarketer: Umm, we're not allowed to do that.
Jerry: Oh, I guess because you don't want strangers calling you at home.
Telemarketer: Umm, no.
Jerry: Well, now you know how I feel.
[hangs up phone] 

Kramer: Well, more bad news Jerry. You know the police they found another victim of the Loper in Riverside Park. I saw the photo and it looked a lot like you.
Jerry: Oh, come on, there's a lot of people walking around the city that look like me.
Kramer: Not as many as there used to be.

George: Only I could fail at failing. 

 

They said what?

Just saw this website www.lawfirmblogging.com. They posted jokes from actual trial excerpts!

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin’ me?

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin’ me? Your Honour, I think I need a
different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

 ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.